I believe I am supposed to have patience with my chronic
illness, but lately my patience is wearing thin. I am overly tired. I am in
pain from this last episode of arthritis that has hit my hands and has made
typing and working quite painful. I am working really hard to do what my doctor
has told me to do and that is to rest, get massages, go to my chiropractor for
adjustments, go to occupational therapy to get help with making fingers less
painful and more limber so I can use them to type. It only works for a short
time.
I am also on a new drug, called Methotrexate, which is
actually a chemotherapy drug. While this drug gives many people relief after a
number of weeks from their symptoms, I have had a bad reaction to it. It has given me severe headaches, chills,
fever and made me so tired I have been in bed for days after taking the drug.
At times like this I say the serenity prayer over and over
again. If you don’t know it, it goes like this. “God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and
wisdom to know the difference.”
Sometimes I have to say this little prayer over and over again. I even have to take it apart.
So in case you are having some bad times like I am, let me
tell you how I do this. The first line is “God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change.” I cannot change the fact that I have a chronic
illness that is not getting better. I
cannot change the weather, or my reactions to the drugs I take. I cannot change
other people and the way they act. This
is a biggie for me. I often don’t like
the way other people behave. Some of them are angry people who yell or have bad
attitudes. I cannot change them or their
behaviors.
What I can do is in the next sentence of the prayer. It is,
“the courage to change the things I can.”
If people around me behave badly, I can decide not to be around
them. They are bad for me right now.
Actually angry people are bad for me anytime, but for right now when my immune
system is down and I need more rest, I need to take care of myself and that
includes protecting myself from people who are not good for me. So I change my situation by not being around
them. I change other things in my life
that I have control over. I eat foods that are good for me such as fruits and
veggies. I drink water. I get sleep. If
I am tired I get rest. I do the things
that I have control over and change them.
The last sentence of the prayer is, “and wisdom to know the
difference.” Sometimes this is difficult
for me. I have to think about it. Do I have control over what is causing me
trouble? If it is another person, then the answer is no. I can’t change them. All I have any control over is how to protect
myself at a time when I need to take care of myself and make sure that I have
the stamina for the things that are important to me such as seeing my
granddaughter Emma who will be 1 on October 23rd. Having my list of what really is important to
me is great at a time when I need to prioritize.
I also find the Serenity Prayer very, very helpful at times. For the last few years I have been getting very bad migraines. Sometimes they are so bad I cannot even function. I find strength in this prayer as well.
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, I find this so helpful that I even had the word "serenity" tattooed on my shoulder to always remind me that I can get through anything if I remember this prayer and that all things are possible
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